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STOP THE PRESSES!! MLB HOT STOVE NEWS

Baseball Off-season Headlines from Newspapers Around the Nation:
 

 

 

 

KIM JONG UN MAKES UNEXPECTED HALL OF FAME BALLOT ARGUMENT FOR SEAN CASEY
North Korean Leader Points to Casey’s 99 RBI Year in 2004, 1 Triple Hit Between 2005 and 2008: “I Intend to Dog the Commissioner on This Matter. Literally”, Stated Un in a Recently Released Statement.

MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TO EXPAND INSTANT REPLAY IN 2015
Umpires in Darkened Booth To Limit Number of Times Per Game Players Can Spit, Reset Crotch Cup, Scan the Stands for Hot Babes

MONEY-STRAPPED METS OFFER FREE AGENT STEPHEN DREW A 3 MONTH CONTRACT
GM Sandy Alderson Can Only Afford to Offer Star Shortstop a Limited Contract, but Numerous Incentives Could Push Term to Four Months

NEW HOME PLATE SLIDING RULES TO EXPAND TO OTHER AREAS OF FIELD
Commissioner Will Prohibit Vendors From Tossing Peanut Bags to Customers in Stands; Pitchers Not Allowed to Slam Rosin Bag on Mound; All Hitters Reaching 1st Base to Receive a “Welcome” Greeting Card From First Baseman    

SEATTLE MARINERS LOOKING TO TRADE ROBINSON CANO BY OPENING DAY 2014
“$240 million? What the Hell Were We Thinking?”, Stated a Visibly Disturbed GM Jack Zduriencik

SEATTLE MARINER GM DENIES RUMORS HE WILL ADD MORE CONSONANTS TO LAST NAME
“We’ve Only Just Looked Into This. As of Now No Timetable Has Been Set”, Stated a Visibly Disturbed Jack Zduriencik 

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