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BASEBALL HEADLINES FROM NEWSPAPERS ACROSS THE NATION

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WASHINGTON NATIONALS OWNERSHIP DECIDES TO SHUT DOWN GM MIKE RIZZO FOR THE YEAR

“We Feel Mike Has Pitched a Large Number of Deals for the Nationals in 2012 and We Need to Insure He Will be Rested and Ready for the 2013 Season,” Stated Nats Chief Operating Officer Andrew Feffer.


SF GIANTS NOW CLAIM TERRITORIAL RIGHTS EXTEND INTO CENTRAL AND SOUTH AMERICA

Giants President Larry Baer: “We Will Take Legal Action Against a Number of Professional Soccer and Bocci Teams Who Are Encroaching Into Territory Granted to the Giants by the Early Spanish Explorers.”

MLB ADDS FORMAT CHANGES TO INCREASE FAN INTEREST IN 2012 WILD CARD GAMES
American and National League Wild Card Winners to Play One Five Inning Playoff Game, Players Allowed Limited Use of Performance Enhancing Drugs. Commissioner Bud Selig: “Our Goal is to Eventually Have All MLB Teams Make the Playoffs, Just Like They Do in That Arena Football.”

SCIENTISTS CONCERNED POSSIBLE PIRATES 2012 PLAYOFF APPEARANCE COULD TRIGGER WORLD-WIDE CHAOS, TSUNAMIS
“Pittsburgh finishing above .500 Would Be Contrary to Everything We Know About the Physics of the Universe and, Frankly, We Are Scared,” Warned United Nations Science Chief Randall Utami. Authorities Plan to Advise All MLB Fans to Shelter in Place If Pittsburgh Qualifies for the Post-Season.

NEW DODGERS’ OWNERSHIP GROUP TO PURCHASE AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL DIVISION
“We Are Looking to Get Better and More Competitive,” Stated Dodgers Owner Earvin “Magic” Johnson, “And This is a Move We Believe Will Help Us Get There.”

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Stop the Presses — Breaking MLB News!

Baseball headlines from newspapers around the Nation:
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PRESIDENT PUTS NATION ON YELLOW ALERT AS PIRATES MOVE CLOSER TO 1ST PLACE IN NL CENTRAL
"This will make Katrina look like a walk in the park," Warns Former President George Bush

PITTSBURGH PIRATES' UNEXPECTED SURGE ABOVE .500 CREATES GLOBAL CHAOS
World's Largest Media Conglomerate Crumbling in Crisis, United States On the Verge of Financial Default

SOCIAL ORDER IMPLODES AS NEWS OF PIRATES' POTENTIAL WINNING SEASON SPREADS
Cats and Dogs Stand in Line for Marriage Licenses, Quaker Oats Ceases Production of Captain Crunch Cereal

SCIENTISTS FEAR "WORMHOLE" MAY OPEN IN COSMOS IF BUCS' 18 YEAR LOSING STREAK ENDS
NATO Strike Force Poised to Carpet Bomb Allegheny Tri-County Area

                                                        

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