BASEBALL HEADLINES FROM NEWSPAPERS ACROSS THE NATION
WASHINGTON NATIONALS OWNERSHIP DECIDES TO SHUT DOWN GM MIKE RIZZO FOR THE YEAR
“We Feel Mike Has Pitched a Large Number of Deals for the Nationals in 2012 and We Need to Insure He Will be Rested and Ready for the 2013 Season,” Stated Nats Chief Operating Officer Andrew Feffer.
SF GIANTS NOW CLAIM TERRITORIAL RIGHTS EXTEND INTO CENTRAL AND SOUTH AMERICA
Giants President Larry Baer: “We Will Take Legal Action Against a Number of Professional Soccer and Bocci Teams Who Are Encroaching Into Territory Granted to the Giants by the Early Spanish Explorers.”
MLB ADDS FORMAT CHANGES TO INCREASE FAN INTEREST IN 2012 WILD CARD GAMES
American and National League Wild Card Winners to Play One Five Inning Playoff Game, Players Allowed Limited Use of Performance Enhancing Drugs. Commissioner Bud Selig: “Our Goal is to Eventually Have All MLB Teams Make the Playoffs, Just Like They Do in That Arena Football.”
SCIENTISTS CONCERNED POSSIBLE PIRATES 2012 PLAYOFF APPEARANCE COULD TRIGGER WORLD-WIDE CHAOS, TSUNAMIS
“Pittsburgh finishing above .500 Would Be Contrary to Everything We Know About the Physics of the Universe and, Frankly, We Are Scared,” Warned United Nations Science Chief Randall Utami. Authorities Plan to Advise All MLB Fans to Shelter in Place If Pittsburgh Qualifies for the Post-Season.
NEW DODGERS’ OWNERSHIP GROUP TO PURCHASE AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL DIVISION
“We Are Looking to Get Better and More Competitive,” Stated Dodgers Owner Earvin “Magic” Johnson, “And This is a Move We Believe Will Help Us Get There.”