This is What it Will Take for the Giants to Make the Playoffs

ball-biting-batAs we careen towards October, a lot has been written about the San Francisco Giants’ dramatically dwindling window to somehow qualify for the 2011 MLB playoffs. To understand exactly how far under the Porta Potty the Giants are at this moment, let’s take a quick look at the math.

The Giants are 84-72 as they begin the last six games of the season, starting with a three game set tonight in Arizona and followed by three at home with the Rockies. They are 6 games behind the the Arizona D’Backs, who have clinched at least a tie for the National League West title. The Giants are in third place for the NL Wild Card title, two games behind St. Louis and four games behind the first place Atlanta Braves.

For the Giants to take either the NL West or NL Wild Card title I have determined that the following three things would have to happen:

1. The Fox News Channel announces its decision to hire Charlie Sheen and Muammar Gaddafi to anchor their gavel-to-gavel coverage of the 2012 Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida.

2. The earth shifts slightly on its north/south axis forcing millions of penguins to improperly mate. A new super species of the amusing looking bird would then threaten North America forcing the President to cancel the MLB playoffs. This may give the Giants the time they need to schedule extra batting practice with runners in scoring position.

3. Fox Sports baseball announcer Tim McCarver gets through an entire ball game without saying a variation of the following: “While I agree that Matt Kemp’s three run homer looks like it helps the Dodgers, Joe, a much smarter play in this situation would have been to go for the sacrifice bunt…”.

In other words, the San Francisco Giants ain’t making the 2011 playoffs. From this point on, the view is all Porta Potty all the time.

Richard Dyer

About Richard Dyer

Writer, bass player, carrot juice wrangler. His Twitter following is limited to one person at a time. "My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music." --Vladimir Nabokov