Startling New Evidence of the Existence of God

Sometimes breaking news simply takes your breath away. The news headline today from ESPN.com quietly read “Dodgers File For Bankruptcy After Failed TV Deal”. But in those simple words the music of the spheres began to soar, a million glowing angels danced through the heavens and I paused in awe of this nearly irrefutable argument supporting the existence of a Supreme Being.

Up until now, the three closest things to a true religious experience I’d had were, 1) the birth of my daughter; 2) the Giants winning the 2010 World Series; and, 3) hitting a straight royal flush on a progressive slot machine in a Reno casino. Oh wait, there actually have been other instances of pure religious rapture– watching “The Wire” on HBO and a bunch of amazing relationships with women. And that’s about it. Until today.

wile e coyoteIn the instant it takes to flash a sports news headline on the Internet, the economically-based prayers of generations of San Francisco Giant fans were finally fulfilled. From the start, Dodger owner Frank McCourt apparently modeled his stewardship of the team after whoever that guy was who decided to land the Hindenburg in an electrical storm. Sure, Los Angeles isn’t exactly like New Jersey but name three major differences. Exactly my point.

From what I’ve read, Los Angeles Dodger players will now be paid in AMC Multiplex Theater movie ticket and popcorn vouchers. And apparently the $8.25 million the team owes Manny Ramirez now makes him a principal owner, and Manny is already lobbying Bud Selig to reverse Major League Baseball’s performance enhancing drug testing rules. Bud listens to the owners, so expect some changes in that area.

As for the Frank McCourt/Jamie McCourt divorce proceedings, I understand the attorneys have agreed to Jamie’s demands that she get Ted Lilly and Matt Kemp in the settlement. Frank will get Tommy Lasorda. Lasorda’s food bill is costing the Dodgers about $17,000 a week so McCourt may have to sell part of his 8 track tape manufacturing empire to keep the linguini rolling in.

Because of cutbacks, there’s also a rumor that ”California Prison Gang Day” at Dodger Stadium may be cancelled, which means no free “Kill a snitch” tattoos for the first 20,000 fans under 12.

All this leaves only one more question: how soon before the Dodgers announce they’re bringing former bench coach Jim Riggleman back to Dodgertown?

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