The New York Mets have fired General Manager Omar Minaya and Manager Jerry Manuel, ushering in the team’s radically new managerial philosophy. “We’ve decided to test the competency waters to see if that’s a good fit for us,” Mets owner Fred Wilpon cautiously stated to a group of reporters Monday.
In announcing the firings, team executives also unveiled the new Mets motto: “Losing with Dignity”, and displayed the newly redesigned team flag for reporters, which shows a turkey with orange and blue feathers falling off the Chrysler Building.
Replacements for Minaya and Manuel have not been announced, but sources close to Mets Chief Operating Officer Jeff Wilpon say that former British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward is a leading candidate for the GM position, and outgoing New York Governor David Paterson is on the team’s short list for manager. “We need to get better in the front office,” stated a high placed executive with the team, “and there’s no question these candidates would be a dramatic improvement.”
Outgoing GM Minaya was inexplicibly signed to a second long-term contract by the team in 2009, just after the Mets lost 92 games. Minaya, who is still owed some $2.2 million by the team, was offered another position in the Mets organization, but declined when he discovered the job would basically consist of standing in a corner of the Met’s front office with a “Before” sign around his neck. “I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my $2.2 million dollars,” stated Minaya.
The Mets were 70-92 in 2009, and finished the 2010 season with a 79-83 record; the team’s 2009 payroll was an incredible $149 million.The Guinness Book of World Records confirmed that, as Mets GM, Omar Minaya set at least one all-time record: Most Idiotic Three-Year MLB Contract: Pitcher Oliver Perez, $36 million.
In a sense, this 2010 Mets team is a perfect fit for their hideous new $800 million ballpark, Citi Field. Like the team, the Met’s ball yard is a situated on a concrete island in the middle of a sea of parking lots, the playing field frequently awash in garbage. “This is us,” stated COO Wilpon, “this is who we are.” Recent team family activities included Mets reliever Francisco Rodriguez’s August 11, 2010 assault on his girlfriend’s father outside the Citi Field family lounge.
Plans for the Queens neighborhood surrounding Citi Field include adding more chop-shop corrugated auto repair businesses, and enticing additional unlicensed oil change garages into the immediate area.
Outgoing Mets Manager Jerry Manuel stated he has no immediate plans for the next 15 years, other than to “try and spend more time with Omar Minaya and his $2.2 million dollars.” The two fired Mets managers have tentative plans to contact a major film company and pitch a remake of the 1987 film “Ishtar”.